FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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