I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
