I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
