I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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