Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
