he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
