I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
