In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
