So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
