just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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