Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
