So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
