She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
