well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
