I'm really into asian looking animals
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
