you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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