Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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