People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
