so explain again why im purple
no
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
that may or may not have been my penis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
