I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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