He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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