I just cut my nipple shaving
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
