You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
