So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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