The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
