totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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