that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
