What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
