I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
