in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
