It's Friday. Sex?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
