fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
