Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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