I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
