shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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