I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
