Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
