2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
