Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
