I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
