I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
