She is in my trunk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
