she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
