got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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