Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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