I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
