I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
