Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
