Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
