You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
