he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
